This is Kevin’s scale!
1 – Melts My Taste Buds and Cushions My Ass
2 – Melts My Taste Buds
3 – Cushions My Bum
This is actually not a scale. Instead, it’s a highly subjective form of ranking that only takes into account the gut instinct of what college peeps, mainly Kevin, would think of a restaurant. So you ask, “why is this scale important? Does it really mean anything? What are your standards?”
This scale is important because it will be used to judge “classy” joints against “hole-in-the-wall” joints. Trust me, I’ve looked into it and there’s no fairer way to make this work. It’s nearly impossible to compare a fine cuisine restaurant against a greasy-spoon joint. Kevin’s scale makes the impossible possible.
If a place has good atmosphere, not necessarily good air, but a sweet environment for what it’s worth then it will get at least a 3. If a place has great food, but there is nowhere or way to enjoy it, then it will get at least a 2. If a place has great food and great atmosphere for what it’s worth, then it will get a 1!
You might be saying, “this sounds like Willy Wonka just had a secret pow wow with the Keebler Elfs, Julia Child, and Chef Ramsay.” If that’s the case, then you were a part of that meeting. Since your like most college peeps, you were not at the pow wow and are just thinking that it’s amazing that they all found time to meet around their busy schedules.
Here’s what they told me about creating my scale:
Willy Wonka: There is no scientific basis for the scales design, and there is no actual scale.
Chef Ramsay: The measurements are created for each occasion as deemed by Kevin.
Julia Child: Expensive places will be judged with more scrutiny regarding environment. A cheap place will deign less environmental investigation…..
Keebler Elfs: …..but the food better taste like a five-star restaurant to get Kevin’s highest ratings.
I (Kevin) have decided to take their advice and hunt down places to judge. Every chance I get, I will be reviewing a “classy” joint near a Chicago college. Then sometime after that, I’ll be reviewing a “hole-in-the-wall” near the classy joint, let’s say within about a mile. I’ll do my best to use this scale and arbitrarily assigned points, stars, and stats. But, I’ll also be telling you a story. You’ll get the full experience. If you want to know what it’s like walking into a joint, you might get that. If you want to know how cool, ridiculous, or suave the staff is, you might get that. If you want to know if I’ve eaten at a place you’ll get that too.
Finally, I’ll tip you off with some attack plans. The bill must be cheap, or at least relatively cheap. We’re talking $10 – 15 at the very peak. If I’m paying over $20 for a meal, they can eat their own pies! I expect to find most experiences ranging from $5 – $10. So, at a “hole-in-the-wall” I’m finna get the most expensive food! And, at a “classy” joint I’m gonna get the cheapest food!
Please, check back every chance you get to find out more about the adventures of Kevin’s Scale. First up are two of UIC’s favorites: Carm’s v. Tuscany’s. Italian versus Italian American, who will tip the scales of this college peep harder???
To Understand The Scale Creation Process and more visit these links:
PBS’s version of Postmodernism
Interesting Stats from the ARA (not NRA silly). This is the “American Restaurant Association”.