The Microwait

By: Nicole Kucharski

I am so hungry that I’m eating my own thoughts. Compliments to Airton Nascimento.

Corporate problems: It’s lunchtime and you brought your favorite lean cuisine entree only to discover that the line for the microwave is never ending. Second equally peeving scenario: You’re at work and as soon as the clock strikes noon, a line of starving animals forms behind the only available microwave in the department, let alone floor. Why do institutions such as businesses and schools provide you with one, or at best, two microwaves when the ratio of possible utilities to hungry people is completely out of whack? Is it because they want you to secretly get frustrated while waiting in line, only to finally decide that you have to buy some crappy snack in the cafeteria with five minutes to spare on actual consumption?  Could fast food industries be possibly winning here as well, providing a quicker alternative to the drooling microwait? Or could it just be that the upper management has more pressing matters than a microwait epidemic developing on the 3rd floor?  Ever wonder how many minutes of the already brief lunch break you waste waiting in line to heat up your food? That’s roughly 3 full days a year you will never get back*. Ever wonder how many brain cells you loose staring into the microwave while the hungry guy behind you is breathing down your neck, frustrated that you are re-heating your food for the third time? What about the forehead wrinkles you acquire while you’re watching the guy in front of you — who clearly doesn’t know how to follow simply written cooking instructions — press 10 seconds five consecutive times because his food is still cold. That’s probably a lot of brain cells lost and a lot of forehead wrinkles acquired. What about the lingering smells from that spicy Indian dish that come gratis with your Italian pasta? This, my friends, we would call a collision of taste buds.

Is this argument a little far-fetched? Perhaps. Is is a call for action? That depends on how deeply my argument resonates in you. Does it make you think twice about waiting in that micro-line? Probably. So folks, is my mission accomplished? Definitely.

*If you waste just 15 minutes of the average hr-long lunch break, 5 days a week, and for 12 months straight, that would equal to about 3,600 minutes (or simply put a little of over 3 days).

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